Tomorrow's the day...

Our first appointment at MDA was at 8 am this morning and we finished seeing people around 3 pm.  Needless to say a very busy day.  I am exhausted, not so sure it is purely physical exhaustion, or what is making me feel this way.  Of course it could be the pregnancy, the cancer, the eight tubes of blood taken today, the stress - most likely a combination of all of these.


One difficult part of this - besides the exhaustion - I feel great!  At times it just doesn't make sense to me that I could really have this disease.  Well, look at me, this is what cancer looks like...scary because I don't look any different than the rest of the world...


Back to our day.  Anesthesiologist appointment went well no real concerns (besides this whole cancer thing I am pretty darn healthy!).  EKG showed I have a heart that works and then off to have blood drawn.  From there we meet with an RN who is MDA's liaison for pregnant patients.  She consults with all pregnant patients that enter MDA.  The nurse doing my EKG said that they see about 140 patients a day - do you know how many patients the pregnant with cancer RN sees? Only about 20 patients a year!  So of course I asked how many with cervical cancer.  She said not very many...about half of her patients have breast cancer.  So again, here we are, unchartered territory.  Most pregnant women with cervical cancer are not given much of an option in terms of treatment - all are encouraged (before 20ish weeks) to terminate the pregnancy.  She was very supportive and encouraged me to reach out to other women that are survivors in similar circumstances - I will, just not ready for that quite yet.


The end result of this meeting was agreeing to be part of a registry that will help treat these kinds of cases in the future.  Our next meeting was with another RN to invite us to be a part of another research study based on our case.  I joined another registry a week of so ago out of New Jersey with Cooper University Hospital.  Following that we were asked to participate in yet another study.  The science geek in me finds this all pretty cool...and shows me another purpose for this journey.


Finally to end our day we got to meet with Dr. Ramirez and one of the MDA Fellows.  This was the part of the day when the gravity of my situation hit me.  I've know this was serious from the beginning but I was so focused on developing a game plan for treatment that I guess I just didn't allow myself to think about the actual physical part of this surgery.  The meeting centered around all the consent forms and potential risks involved in tomorrow's surgery.  The surgery itself will take 3-4 hours and will be done completely robotically.  We check in tomorrow morning at 6 am CT.


I am confident that Bill and I have followed the path that God set before us and that we are making the right decision for my treatment.  There are still, medically, so many uncertainties associated with this procedure tomorrow for both Lil Bit and me.  I do know that with God there are no uncertainties.  



<sup>Our sermon at FBCA this Sunday was out of James (I believe Pastor Walker may have been given this word by God specifically for Bill and I to hear).  Also, several friends have sent this very scripture to me for encouragement today:


James 1:2-4</sup>Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
 ^5-8If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.


Oh Dear Jesus, I come to you tonight earnestly asking you to protect Lil Bit and myself.  I ask boldly and believingly!!!