It has been a long weekend not doing anything - amazing how nothing can be so exhausting. I've enjoyed having Mom here to help with the kids and house. She has been pretty strict making me rest (reminds me a lot of high school!). I convinced her it would be alright for me to shower.
I was drying my hair around 2:00 pm when Mom brought me the phone. It was the OB office calling with Thursday's biopsy results. The doctor says, "I hate to tell you this over the phone, but you have cervical cancer." This is the exact moment my world stopped. Pregnant and cancer...this can't be a good combination. The doctor continued to explain the results from the biopsy. She didn't have the actual report back yet but the lab had called her to let her know the results. She had already consulted with a gynecological oncologist - they were expecting my call she says. You know how you can just tell from someone's tone of voice that things aren't good?
I pulled myself together to finish our phone conversation. I did ask several questions - most of which she didn't have enough information to answer. She warned me, however, that it would be highly unlikely to save our baby. I got off the phone, told mom, and we both just sat and sobbed for a while. It was time to get the boys from the bus stop so mom left. I crawled into bed, in the fetal position, and called Billy. I had to call the office to get him out of a meeting. Somehow I found the words to tell him the diagnosis...all I remember was him telling me he would be home right away.
The unknown is one of the scariest places to be...it is our choice to either let our human minds create monsters that aren't actually there or to turn to our loving Creator God and seek His presence and guidance. It is a choice...and it's not always easy....
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