Getting "good" at the art of waiting...

When we left MD Anderson on Thursday, Dr. Ramirez told us that he would give us a call sometime today with a treatment recommendation.  In a way I didn't want him to call (still that denial part) but of course I am ready for some resolution. 


We sent mom and dad home on Saturday since this week we have no scheduled appointments and I have been released from bed rest.  I thought that it would be nice being home today, alone, just having the time and space that I thought I needed to try and make sense of the last few weeks.  It turns out to be one of the hardest days thus far - alone - waiting.


Late afternoon rolled around and I still had not heard from Dr. Ramirez so I called to speak with his nurse.  She let me know that the radiologist had read my MRI but that they were still waiting on the slides from our local doctors so that their lab could verify the pathology reports.  The slides were supposed to have been overnighted last Wednesday to be there Thursday...somehow that didn't happen (not my local doctors fault - it was the lab they use somewhere in Alabama).  She thinks he should have all of this by tomorrow and will most likely call us tomorrow afternoon (maybe Wednesday) with his recommendation.


I do trust in God's plan for the life of our family.  I know that Baby Harris is a miracle.  I believe in the power and authority of my Great Physician.  Still, I'm human.  I know that if there is anyway that Dr. Ramirez can perform the surgery that will save our baby that God will make that happen for us.  I am terrified, however, that might not be part of the plan He has for us -  that God's plan might not include Bill and I getting to hold, comfort and raise this miracle - that the kids don't get to know their brother or sister on this earth.