Learning to enjoy the quiet....

Today is day nine in the hospital (not that I'm counting).  A good friend of mine had to stay in this unit for nearly 60 days with her first child so she tried to prepare me for what this would be like.  The High Risk Perinatal (HPR) Unit.  Who knew there was a whole unit devoted to keeping women pregnant?


It is actually a pretty nice set up.  I have a room with a wonderful view of I285 and the King & Queen buildings here in Atlanta.  It really is like my very own little apartment complete with mini fridge, pantry, room service and medical staff.  All of the staff have gone above and beyond to make Lil Bit and  I comfortable.  They all understand that this takes as much of an emotional toll as it does physical.  Being in bed for the most part of 2012 has been hard on my body, metabolism has slowed resulting in fatigue and no exercising result in no muscle tone.  Emotionally it is difficult to be separated from family, isolated from everything that makes your life "normal."


Please don't mistake the above for a complaint.  It is not.  I am thankful.  I am thankful that still 11 weeks after major surgery I am cancer free and Lil Bit is healthy.  I am thankful for an awesome husband that supports and loves me.  I am thankful for an incredible family that has stepped in to take care of Walker, Carter and Caroline (and Billy, too of course).  I am thankful for friends, neighbors, coworkers that have made sure our family has been well feed since January.  I am thankful for a team of doctors that are collaborating to determine the best possible care for Lil Bit and me.  I am thankful for a God that loves me despite my shortcomings and His many promises of unconditional love.  So very much to be thankful for...


Here at the hospital, bed rest means bed rest.  I do have restroom and shower privileges (not all the women on this floor are that lucky).  I also am allowed one 30 minute wheel chair ride a day.  Other than that it is expected that I am lying in bed.  One if not two doctors stop by to see me daily.  The nurses monitor Lil Bit's heart tones and my uterine contractions periodically and of course vitals several times a day.  I have been visited by family, friends, dietitians, case workers, a music therapist and volunteers with Happy Tails (dog therapy).  


Yesterday I had an ultrasound to check my cervical length and of course check out Lil Bit to make sure he was alright.  He is perfectly healthy and growing as he should.  My cervix did measure shorter than it did last Wednesday.  It was 1.4 cm this week compared to 1.7 cm last week.  The doctors will measure again on Monday and also do an ultrasound then to determine how much he weighs at this point.  They will also repeat the fetal fibronectin test on Monday.  The doctors will use all this information to decide if they feel it is safe to send us home.  The original plan was to discharge us at 28 weeks (next Monday).  But over the past couple of days there's been mention of 32 if not 34 weeks.


I am hopeful that we'll go home next week.  I want what is best for Lil Bit and Walker, Carter and Caroline.  This hasn't been an easy journey for our family...we have tried our best to keep things as normal as possible for them but what's normal about your mommy being away in a hospital?  Its all about perspective I guess...a few months of sacrifice on all our parts for a lifetime with this miracle, this Lil Bit that God has blessed us with.


I love the lyrics of Laura Story's song Blessings, always helps me reevaluate my attitude:

We pray for blessings, We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise...

Only 26 weeks...too soon for a baby....

Well, our doctors have warned us all along that hospital bed rest would most likely be a part of our journey.  And here we are.  The evening of Monday April 9 I started cramping and thought about calling the doctor but then decided to try and sleep it off.  Tuesday morning when I woke up I was still cramping so I decided to call the doctor (around 7:30 am).  I knew it wasn't contractions after having 3 other children but considering where we've been the past few months I didn't want to miss anything.


Is it a good or bad sign when the doctor's answering service has your name flagged? When you actually have your doctor's cell phone numbers?  As soon as I gave her my name she said she would have someone call me immediately.  Less than three minutes later my doctor was calling.  He set up an appointment for me to come into the closest office at 8:45 am.  There he told me they would do a fetal fibronectin test and an ultrasound.  Nanny Starr was staying with us this week so she got the kids off to school and then me off to the doctor.


Fetal fibronectin (fFN) is something I have never heard of.  The test was a simple swab of my cervix.  The ultrasounds are old hat to us now.  The ultrasound didn't show any cervical shortening or funneling - great news.  They sent me home and said the results from the fFN would take a while and they would call with the results.  I went home and climbed in bed hoping the cramping would ease up if I rested and stayed off my feet.  About 2:00 that afternoon the OB office called to let me know that the fFN was positive and that I should head to the hospital.


While I was resting I did a little research on fFN just so I would know what the doctors were talking about.  This is a protein that "glues" Lil Bit to my uterus.  If it is negative then that is a pretty good indicator that labor is not coming, that he is still "glued" tight even with preterm symptoms.  If it is positive then there is a 51% chance labor will start within two weeks.  So while this test is not highly predictive on its own it is just another piece to the puzzle.


I started packing a bag and trying to think of all the things I might need.  It was very difficult to think about Lil Bit coming this early - I really didn't need anything for him other than the Cord Blood Collection Kit - if he came into the world now, we wouldn't be bringing him home until July as he would be in the NICU for months.  Then of course more worry...what are we going to do with the kids?  Walker had a baseball game that night (I know not that important in the grand scheme of things but to Walker would have been the end of the world if he had to miss it.)  I called Billy and told him he needed to meet us at the hospital.  Nanny Starr loaded us all up and we headed down 400 to Northside Hospital.  As soon as Billy got to the hospital Starr was off to the ball fields with the kids.


They got me into a Labor and Delivery room pretty quickly and started developing our plan to convince Lil Bit to hold off making an appearance.  They started me on IV fluids since dehydration can often lead to contractions/cramping.  They decided that two rounds of steroids would be appropriate since they would help decrease medical complications of for a preemie and put me on the monitor.  The monitor was not picking up any uterine contractions which was curious since I was still cramping.  The next thought was that I was fighting an infection (maybe from the surgery site or a UTI) that was causing the cramping so they started IV rocephine (a pretty heavy duty antibiotic).  


It is such a blessing to have other children in this situation to help divert some of the focus off what could be a very serious situation.  Billy asked the nurse (of course he asked if it was OK with me first) if she thought he had time to make it to Walker's game and then head back to the hospital.  She assured him that they were going to stop whatever was going on and he should go.  He returned after the game in time to talk with our OB and for a consult with the Neonatologist.  The OB told us that it would be best for me to stay at least until 28 weeks (April 23) and that they would reassess my cervix and fFN at that point and make a decision.  The Neonatologist was there to prepare us for what to expect if Lil Bit was born a 26 weeks...scary, scary statistics.   Brain bleeds, blind, deaf, respiratory issues, intestinal infections and of course death to name a few of the challenges.  He tells us that 85% of babies this early do live but of that 85% only about 1/3 have no long lasting medical complications.  Every day longer in the womb reduces the risk of complications but it seems 34 weeks is that "magic" time when the statistics really start to look best.


When Billy and I decided to try the radical trachelecotomy in February we knew the risk of a preterm delivery because of a shorten cervix.  It was a risk we were willing to take to save Lil Bit.  It still doesn't make it easier to hear...every parent wants the best for their child...no parent wants to think that a decision made in the best interest of their child might result in harm...


They kept me overnight in Labor and Delivery.  I stayed on the monitor all night while they pumped me full of IV fluids, steroids and antibiotics.  When my OB doctor came in the next morning he said, "we are in uncharted waters with you.  We are going to play this conservatively and keep you until 28 weeks."  That afternoon a room opened up on the High Risk Perinatal Floor (HRP).  Seems this will be my home for at least two weeks.


Again this verse, a promise from my God, has been great comfort.  God has been so good to us and continues to bless our family. 


“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11(NIV)

Another great week...

Seems to be that I'm on the road to recovery.  It is getting easier to move around but I still get exhausted doing the smallest tasks.  After taking a shower I feel like I've just run a marathon (sad I know)!  I spoke with a nurse to see if that was normal.  She said to expect one week of recovery for every hour I was under anesthesia.  So that would be about four weeks - this is week two - half way there!


My incision sites (x5) are healing nicely, the actual internal surgery site is still very tender.  I have to remind myself how many internal stitches I have.  It is easy to forget when you can't see them.  I so want to pick up Caroline but I can't.  Small price to pay I guess for my life and the life our growing Lil Man (yep it's a boy)!  


We had another OB appointment today and again were totally blessed with the outcome.  These weekly ultrasounds really help put my mind at ease.  He looked fabulous.  Still no indication that he was affected AT ALL by the surgery or the medications associated with it.  My cervix is still closed and looks from the abdominal ultrasound to be the same as a regular pregnancy.  Next week, when I have healed a little more, they most likely will do a vaginal ultrasound as well to ensure all the stitches are still intact and get a more accurate measurement of my cervix.  


At this point it seems I will be able to carry him full term (well, 36ish weeks at least).  Much better than a point a few weeks ago when doctors were saying 28 weeks.  I did ask if there was a possibility that I could forgo the C-section and have a vaginal delivery - I think the doctor didn't know how to answer (he probably wanted to say..."are you crazy, woman??") - but did say it was "a potential."  That would be awesome, another miracle, since it would give me a chance to meet Lil Man and a chance to nurse him without being under too many medications.


Then I asked if I really NEEDED the hysterectomy since it seems all the cancer was removed with the radical trachelectomy.   So reality sets in again.  His words exactly, "Megan, you are STILL a cancer patient.  You have adenocarcinoma, a very aggressive cancer."  


Okay, okay so mom says I keep pushing the envelope...but God can do it.  He has already 
answered "BIGGER" than I ever asked.  He is in control...He can do it!  A good friend of Billy's mom just sent me so notecards that she made for me.  The scripture she choose to print on them is:


"Your FAITH should not stand in the wisdom of men but in the POWER of God."  1 Corinthians 2:9


I am so grateful for the POWER of my God...He has made it so very obvious to us....

Successful Surgery!!!

As Megan and I sit in the hospital room at MD Anderson, she is still a little groggy from all of the medications and anesthesia from yesterday's surgery. Therefore, I get the pleasure of updating her blog with the incredible news of AMAZING GRACE. 


The surgery was a complete success. In fact, the results were better than what we could have ever expected. Megan and baby are 100% healthy. Dr. Ramirez told me after the surgery that he was able to remove all of the cancerous cells. He's going to send off some tissue samples and lymph nodes for further evaluation, but if his initial assessment is correct, Megan should now be cancer-free! This means she won't need to go through any radiation or chemo after the baby is born. All she will need to do is have a hysterectomy at the time of the birth. She has truly been touched by the healing hand of God. Jeremiah 32:27 "I am the Lord, the God of all mankind; is there anything too hard for me?" 


The type of surgery performed was a trachelectomy. One of the Anesthesiologists last night told me that Dr. Ramirez is one of only a few GYN Oncologists in the world that is willing to perform this surgery on an expecting mother. How amazing is it that the Lord opened this door to us? The resounding recommendation from the doctors in Atlanta was to terminate the pregnancy, and immediately start radiation and chemo. The Atlanta doctors gave Megan anywhere from a 70% to 85% cure rate, depending on who you spoke to. Fast forward to today where Megan seemingly is cancer-free and the baby is healthy as can be at 16.5 weeks. The power of prayer is undeniable. Prayers from family members, friends, churches, Bible studies, colleagues at work, teachers, students, and friends from all of the above have played a significant role in allowing us to be treated at MD Anderson and leading us to Dr. Ramirez. 


During the visit today from Dr. Ramirez, he admitted that the results from this surgery exceeded his expectations. This is only the 6th time he has performed this surgery, so our hope is that we are paving the way for more expecting mothers to evaluate all options before making a final decision. Next steps: Megan will be discharged from the hospital tomorrow afternoon (Friday). Our flight home is scheduled for Saturday evening. Megan will now be working closely with her OB and Maternal Fetal Specialist in Atlanta. Since part of her cervix had to be removed during the surgery, our concern now turns to making sure our baby makes it to term. A pre-term birth could potentially have serious complications for the health of the baby. Our goal is to get to at least 32 weeks, which means we passed the halfway point earlier this week. 


Please continue to pray for Lil' Bit as he/she continues to develop and grow. It's been a wonderful and fulfilling two days. Megan and I give all the glory to Him. Thank you for everyone's prayers and support. I know it has made a difference. God Bless, Bill

Tomorrow's the day...

Our first appointment at MDA was at 8 am this morning and we finished seeing people around 3 pm.  Needless to say a very busy day.  I am exhausted, not so sure it is purely physical exhaustion, or what is making me feel this way.  Of course it could be the pregnancy, the cancer, the eight tubes of blood taken today, the stress - most likely a combination of all of these.


One difficult part of this - besides the exhaustion - I feel great!  At times it just doesn't make sense to me that I could really have this disease.  Well, look at me, this is what cancer looks like...scary because I don't look any different than the rest of the world...


Back to our day.  Anesthesiologist appointment went well no real concerns (besides this whole cancer thing I am pretty darn healthy!).  EKG showed I have a heart that works and then off to have blood drawn.  From there we meet with an RN who is MDA's liaison for pregnant patients.  She consults with all pregnant patients that enter MDA.  The nurse doing my EKG said that they see about 140 patients a day - do you know how many patients the pregnant with cancer RN sees? Only about 20 patients a year!  So of course I asked how many with cervical cancer.  She said not very many...about half of her patients have breast cancer.  So again, here we are, unchartered territory.  Most pregnant women with cervical cancer are not given much of an option in terms of treatment - all are encouraged (before 20ish weeks) to terminate the pregnancy.  She was very supportive and encouraged me to reach out to other women that are survivors in similar circumstances - I will, just not ready for that quite yet.


The end result of this meeting was agreeing to be part of a registry that will help treat these kinds of cases in the future.  Our next meeting was with another RN to invite us to be a part of another research study based on our case.  I joined another registry a week of so ago out of New Jersey with Cooper University Hospital.  Following that we were asked to participate in yet another study.  The science geek in me finds this all pretty cool...and shows me another purpose for this journey.


Finally to end our day we got to meet with Dr. Ramirez and one of the MDA Fellows.  This was the part of the day when the gravity of my situation hit me.  I've know this was serious from the beginning but I was so focused on developing a game plan for treatment that I guess I just didn't allow myself to think about the actual physical part of this surgery.  The meeting centered around all the consent forms and potential risks involved in tomorrow's surgery.  The surgery itself will take 3-4 hours and will be done completely robotically.  We check in tomorrow morning at 6 am CT.


I am confident that Bill and I have followed the path that God set before us and that we are making the right decision for my treatment.  There are still, medically, so many uncertainties associated with this procedure tomorrow for both Lil Bit and me.  I do know that with God there are no uncertainties.  



<sup>Our sermon at FBCA this Sunday was out of James (I believe Pastor Walker may have been given this word by God specifically for Bill and I to hear).  Also, several friends have sent this very scripture to me for encouragement today:


James 1:2-4</sup>Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.
 ^5-8If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.


Oh Dear Jesus, I come to you tonight earnestly asking you to protect Lil Bit and myself.  I ask boldly and believingly!!!

Overwhelmed, humbled, grateful...

WOW...wow!  We are so overwhelmed, in a good way, by all our friends, family and strangers that have offered their prayers and support.  There are no words for us to express our gratitude and quite frankly it is a little uncomfortable.  Again, not in a bad way. Bill nor I are used to having to ask for help - it is a very humbling place to be.  Actually, we are not even having to ask for help now...so many generous, caring, loving people have just stepped up to help us out. 


Just a few examples:
1.  A neighbor of ours (Denise) has offered to coordinate food for our family throughout the course of this treatment.  (If you would like to be included on the list for that please just FB message me your email or leave your email address in the comments and I will forward that to her).  


2.  Neighbors have also volunteered to arrange play dates for the kids (they are going to be so spoiled!).


3.  A local service we use contacted me and let us know that they would still provide the service but don't want us to pay...really, who does that???  People that love you!


4.  Roswell High School has been incredible!!  The first week of this I called to coordinate lesson plans for my students.  You know what they said?  "Don't worry about it we have everything covered!"  OK...if you know anything about education how often would you find a group of high school teachers that would give up their planning time to teach someone else's classes for an extended period of time?  And the administration has been beyond understanding as well...again I am humbled.  Thank you Abby, Heather, Ginny, Becky, Beth, Megan, Steve, Ellen and Jerome (please forgive me if I left someone off the list - I will do a whole post just about you if I did!!).


5. My sister-in-law, Jenn, started a Praying for Megan event on FB to invite people to pray during our surgery on Wednesday morning.  Following that lead, my HOME church, where I grew up, was baptized and married, Flintstone Baptist Church started another FB event.  They are opening the church 6:30 am - noon on Wednesday for a time of prayer for us.  Really???  I don't even know what to say...I again am humbled.


6. Of course my family...mom (Lynda), dad (Ed), Nanny Starr and Daddy Bill, my brother (Tim), sister (Leigh) and their families, great friends Je and Rie Rie have all been such a great source of strength and comfort.


A cousin of ours, Renee', has also been a great source of comfort for me.  She has provided us with scriptural guidance and support (along with so many others).  But this is why I am mentioning her.  I told her about the outpouring of love and support.  She said, "Take it!"  Her point was that the Bible teaches that God loves his children "lavishly."  This is God's way, in such an unimaginable circumstance, to show us His lavish love.  These are His children, His followers, His believers that He has given a burden to help us and by doing that showing us His lavish love.  Well, we feel "lavishly loved!"


After speaking with Renee' I researched a little about God's lavish love and found this on a site called "One Passion One Devotion":

Psalm 103:8-12

The LORD is merciful! He is kind and patient, and his love never fails. The LORD won’t always be angry and point out our sins; he doesn’t punish us as our sins deserve. How great is God’s love for all who worship him? Greater than the distance between heaven and earth! How far has the LORD taken our sins from us? Farther than the distance from east to west!

God’s love is so lavish. We can bravely and boldly approach his presence and throne of grace and throne of holiness and find all we need because God is lavish and abundant in his love. Do we see God as a crusty old judge with a stick ready to beat us at every move??? that is not a correct persception of God. get into your heart how lavish the love of God is towards you.

it was lavishly expressed in the life of Jesus.

it was lavishly exprsesed in the sacrifice of Jesus.

it is lavishly expressed in God alive in me, making me new, transforming me, accepting me.

Lavish.

1 John 3:1 How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

Yet another God-incidence...

Since getting the word that we were heading back to Houston next week I have been trying to rearrange appointments and make sure the house is in good enough order that mom and Nanny Starr can jump in to take over for the kids.  

I had my 16 week OB appointment scheduled for next week so I wanted to reschedule before we left...a little peace of mind getting to hear Lil Bit's heartbeat and of course the other blood work that was supposed to be done at the 16 week appointment.  When I called yesterday to reschedule I told the lady on the phone, "I don't care which location, which doctor or midwife, I just would like to get in Friday or Monday."  She put me hold for a moment.

When she came back she let me know that there was an available appointment Friday morning at 9:10.  "Great!" I said, "I'll take it!"  She told me which location and which doctor AFTER I had accepted that appointment time...here's the God-incidence...

Tuesday evening January 17 a doctor from my OB/GYN practice, whom I had never met, called me around 8:30 pm AT HOME.  I had called the office earlier in the day to speak with the doctor I had been seeing to try and get a referral to MD Anderson.  She called her colleague and gave him our story.  She had done this because he did a fellowship out at MD Anderson and she felt he would know best who to contact.  When he called he had already spoken with his contacts at MD Anderson and told me they were expecting my call the following morning.  Guess which doctor I just "so happened" to get an appointment with?  Yep...the one that made it possible for us to get into MD Anderson so quickly!

As soon as the lady on the phone said his name...I started crying.  I knew immediately that God was in control of this situation.  This was NOT  a coincidence but a God-incidence....kind of gives me chills to think about it...

As soon as he walked into the exam room I said. "This might be totally inappropriate, but do you mind if I give you a hug?"  He said not at all and gave me the biggest hug.  This was a man that went totally above and beyond to help me, a patient he had never met.  In fact, the whole practice has gone above and beyond to help us get connected to the right people and get my medical records to those places quickly.

The OB check up was great!  Lil Bit's heart rate was a healthy 147 bpm.  (My blood pressure was low - seems odd given the stress I've been under!) This doctor talked with me about what we could expect to happen WHEN the surgery goes as planned next Wednesday.  He explained that ideally he would like me to carry Lil Bit to 34 weeks but of course he wasn't worried if it is few weeks earlier since Northside Hospital has an outstanding NICU.  He walked me through who would be there for the delivery (lets just say an army of doctors), what I could expect for me and what to expect for baby.  The visit gave me even more PEACE about the health and well being of Lil Bit.  Again, just like Dr. Ramirez, he did caution that the amputation surgery is NOT the standard of care but since that is what Bill and I have decided is best for our family we now have a team of doctors in Houston and Atlanta consulting together to have a healthy mom and baby early this summer.

Jeremiah 32:27 "I am the LORD, the God of all mankind. Is anything too hard for me?"