Been in denial...time to focus on the healing

I think I've said before, the cancer part of this never really scared me.  I was so focused on what we could do to get Houston here safely that I honestly did not allow myself to think about the cancer so much.  Can you say denial?

Well, that blissful denial is over and its time to start the treatment part of this journey.  Houston is now five weeks old.  Last Thursday I had my post-op appointment with my OB.  She was very pleased with the healing around my incision site and said I was "released to normal activity and to start treatment."  Since then my mind has been racing, mostly centering around how Houston will get feed during all of this.  I am a strong believer that breast-feeding is the BEST nutrition for Houston and I am so trying to make sure that he will have that.  I have been calling and researching Human Milk Banks, Lactation specialists, and Night Nurses - and hopeful we won't have to use any of them.

Today was my first oncologist visit since Houston was born.  I last saw her when I was 36 weeks pregnant.  It was essentially an uneventful appointment.  She said that everything looked good and she was ready to proceed with treatment.  I told her that I didn't really want the hysterectomy - she called me a "cowboy" - and basically said I was crazy if I didn't do the surgery.  I also asked her if she would do a tummy tuck or liposuction for me a the same time...she said she wasn't qualified...what a bummer!

The oncologist ordered a PET scan - which would have been the first thing I would have done back in January if I hadn't been pregnant.  This will give more information than my initial MRI in terms of finding out if there are any other areas that are involved.  I hope to have that done late this week/early next week.  The results of that we determine if I will be having a hysterectomy or radical hysterectomy.  She will also use that (along with the pathology from the tissues removed in the hysterectomy) to determine if radiation and/or chemo will be necessary.  I am hopeful I can have the surgery and be done with this STUPID cancer!

I have been pumping like crazy to have enough milk for Houston during my treatments.  I won't be able to nurse him for 24-48 hours after the PET scan.  I did find out that Houston will be able to stay in the hospital with me after the hysterectomy - that eases a ton of my anxiety about the whole feeding situation.  If radiation has to happen I won't be able to nurse him for five full weeks, chemo would be even longer.  I really am trying not to think about worse case treatment scenarios but at the same time I want to have a plan if it is necessary.   Realistically it seems that I won't be able to give him what I think is best if radiation or chemo becomes a part of this process.

After I dropped Caroline at school this morning and got back in the car to head down to see my doctor...this was the song on the radio:"my God is healer, awesome in power, my God." So thankful He decided to remind me of that...

First family pictures

We had a great visit with our family photographer tonight.  Houston is 17 days old today.  He and the other kids were so cooperative - that is yet another miracle in our journey ;).
I just wanted to share a link to her Facebook page with a preview of the pictures.  She always does an amazing job!

JK Mitchell Photography

We started with the whole family around 6:30 pm.  The older kids and Billy left around 7:15 and I stayed with Houston to get some pictures of just him.  He was a little stinker and decided that he didn't want to sleep.  Kahlia was VERY patient.  Houston finally began his deep sleep after 9 pm.  She had the lights low and soft music playing.  I found myself justing starring at our precious little angel - crying - I think this was the first time I've been able to just "be" and really think about what a special gift he is...